The whole blog this is getting old.. But anyway I am making a video of my entire week on Thursday with clips from everyday, trying something new.

Init2winit last week was epic fail. This week I have the same mini goal as well as an additional goal of watching water intake, because I lost the 3 liter bottle ;_; I cry.

Alright so.. yeah! School is almost done I am punching out my last paper right now, about to email it all to the professor

Init2winit week 2

This week my goal is to eat 3-4 servings of vegetables. I met my mini goal last week, without busting out the videos because I am just busy.

I am so stressed out yesterday and today.. I have some things going on in school, on top of finals. I can't eat, I feel like vomitting. I don't get this kind of stress, it's usually the munchy stress.

Tenia un buen día, me alegre! comí jocotes, una fruta que no he comido en mucho anos; mas de.. diez anos? Pues si, voy a caminar este noche porque lo tiempo ha sido bueno. Gracias, adios

If you speak spanish feel free to correct my mistakes if you see them. I want to perfect my Spanish.

And oh yeah, my last final is on December 20th. WTF

I am following the December version of Init2winit, though not formally. I'm just going to post comments to the videos.

This week my mini goal is 35 minutes of cardio work 5x a week

overall goal is to lose 4 lbs this month.

other things to keep in mind are to keep salt intake to a minimum, and to bust out some of those old 80's exercise videos. :D

wahoO!

Are you kidding Nat? A measly 3 pound loss for the month of November. I can do better. No it wasn't an easy month, but I'm so over it and ready to move forward. I'm just ready to attack this thing head on, and not bullshit myself into hindering progress.

Yesterday in fitness class everyone got weighed in public. ..ugh.. and whatmore the scale went beserk on me I have no idea why, but when I stepped on it it read 246 or something weird like that. The second time I stepped on it one minute later, it said 267 so. So the teacher has me written in at something, I don't know what. Everyone else got weighed accurately. I guess the lucky people on my team are going to win the weight loss competition because we're using a more accurate scale the last day of class.

this week I was interviewed in Spanish which in retrospect was cool. Beforehand I was sweating it like crazy, but now I'm just impressed that I know more Spanish than I think I know. I really can't wait for winter break to come so I can practice more Spanish on livemocha.com hopefully make some native Spanish speaking friends in other countries :D we can talk to each other on headsets and there are translator programs installed in their message windows. If you want to practice or learn another language I highly recommend this site.

I'm officially a size 18! Well a Lane bryant 18 anyway. To be out of the 20's in jean sizes, it's just a great feeling. I'm too poor/cheap to buy new pants right now though, so I will continue to wear my bigger pants until they become ridiculously large. It's a new place, and I also feel afraid to spend money on new pants because then I have to stay that size (or lower) or I would have wasted my money.

:]

I ran a red light

Nothing bad happened. I can't believe I ran a red light today, and it certainly was a wake-up call for me. I've never in my 2 years of driving made a mistake like that. I wasn't scared while it happened but afterward is when the adrenaline began running through me and I was just like... HOLY SHIT WHAT DID I JUST DO?? I turned off the radio and just started thinking about it. I could have hurt someone or myself, or lost my transportation altogether to school, appointments, etc. Its just scary how easy it is to become distracted!! I consider myself a decent driver and it happened to me!

I just got back from a fancy 4 course meal, where we were being taught proper luncheon etiquette. At my table we were just having a good time and goofing off, but I did learn things! You know how it is when you are dining with a person whom you've got to be on your best behavior with, you can't just stuff your face :P It was geared towards an interview or business meeting setting.

ughh ok exercise. Something I really didn't feel like writing about. Yesterday I went on the bike for about an hour, because I didn't feel like getting on the treadmill. Today I haven't gone to the gym because the election interfered with my morning schedule, and, I kid you not, every second of today is already scheduled until I go to sleep. I love it that way. Tomorrow I'm back on the regular week schedule.

Not much to write about, I'm just chilling in school in this new area with computers that I just discovered. Its tucked away in the corner of the library, it's own room, with a wall-long view of a mountain and all the multicolored trees on it. A pigeon is pearched on the ledge of the gigantic window. Wait a minute... come to think of it, I never see pigeons around here! All the pigeons I ever see are in New York, and I wonder how this scoundrel found his way to Northampton? He was probably a stowaway inside a truck fileld with.. oh I don't know, breads? Now some person is blocking my view of the pigeon ...damnit... so I'm going to go move my car.

Today was wonderful. I was so busy it felt like two days. Busy, busy, busy... but I love it. I love being so busy that I forget everything, and am just doing, and concentrating. I made so many new friends today.. not only within the Hispanic american culture club, but outside too, and I loved it. I must have walked 11 miles in the same building.

Great start this week! I am so on this. You watch, I'll be crossing that 215 line in the very near future.

So I'm still toying with the idea of being under 200 by 2009. It does seem daunting, but it would be wonderful to start the new year in onederland! If you've made it into onederland you probably remember how great it felt! You know I never thought I would see myself here again? It's crazy!

alright I've created a bar graph to keep track of my weekly weight, as well as new index cards for writing down what I'm eating. I'm considering going back to counting calories, even though it won't last long.

I'm meeting with my fitness instructor today to discuss the prospect of being in onederland by New Year's day, and we're going to create a game plan together.

drink that water!

I believe it is my second video in which I announced my love of exotic fruit. I do! Today I bought 3 pounds of fresh dates and a cactus pear, both of which are delicious. The dates I have not had in about a year and I've been stuffing my face with them all afternoon ..hum.. :)

Ok so.. I made four videos this week but only posted one, because two were emotional and the one I recorded today is going with the pow wow footage tomorrow. I'm on edge. I've been making too many videos because I am so stressed out with school. I'm not focusing on what I need to do, my productivity level is suffering, and I need to get back on this thing immediately. When I get really stressed out, 2 things happen. I break out with acne, which you can see on my right cheek in my most recent videos. I wash my face just as I was in the summer, but it just won't go away. And I also mentally just check out and indulge in distractions like the internet, movies, cleaning, whatever. my weight loss isn't suffering but my schoolwork is which is really more of a priority.

At the same time, I haven't seen any of my friends in weeks, or just gone out to do something fun. I think I'm long overdue for a fun outing.

You know, I thrive on structure. Yesterday and today were 'fall break' and in terms of activity without school I don't do nearly as much exercise, and not doing as much entails the blahs. I must learn to create structure for myself, because during the winter break and summer I won't have a gym, unless I take an accelerated winter course and summer classes.

Anatomy blows.

Thursday, I have an on-site Anthropology observation at the mall at 8:30 AM. Everyone in that group can thing of oh.. 6 other things they would rather be doing at that time than scoping out what kind of idiot goes to the mall at 8:30 in the morning and barfing up a presentation about it.

Here's a juicy tidbit for you. In one of my classes, I'm in this group of wonderful people, my favorite group ever. And in this group there is this man whom I have a crush on. I am not an aggressive female, but sometimes I feel transparent, like it's horribly easy to tell with me how I feel about a man. The stupidest things fly out of my mouth because I say whatever comes to mind in this particular group, we've all got chemistry. An example, the professor asks us to look at the person next to us and imagine imitating them for one day. So he comments about how he would have to get a few piercings. And you know what I say? 'I don't have any that you don't see, by the way.' The girl sitting caddy corner to me chuckles. At the moment it worked in my head, but then I thought about it. Forward much? why me? alas. Things either are meant to happen or they aren't. And to be frank I can't see it being anything more than lust. I'm bored I guess.

My bed is calling my name

Becca seems interested in joining me at 6:30 AM to work out. I'm not sure if she's serious or not, the prospect of getting up early for some people is hard to stomach, but I hope she is, because having a real life workout buddy would just be so cool.. and she knows more than I do, having had a personal trainer for 6 months or so, she was telling me about potassium in bananas, how it's supposed to be good when working out.

I'm feeling ok this week. I tried anchovies on pizza today, NEVER AGAIN. They are just too salty and fishy, and I like fish, but it's just.. overpowering.

Non-weight loss related, Spanish is beginning to get difficult. It's taking quite a while for things to sink in for me, I'm just not picking up as quickly as I expect to, but I am determined to learn. I don't want to be uni lingual, I'm going to need it for my job, and it's just part of who I want to be.

I am very much looking forward to the end of this month, to meeting Shanti and Sars. I feel like I've been touched by both of them, and not in a naughty way. I was also supposed to be meeting Fran this month but I'm not sure what's going on with that, I haven't heard from her in a long time.

Next weekend is the fall harvest festival! It's a pow wow hosted by the local Native Americans. I've been going for a year now to their festivals and I love being there. I usually go alone because none of my friends are into that sort of thing, but I like it. I miss the smell of burning wood, sweetgrass, and frybread. And it's kind of awkward, but sometimes the Aztec Indians ask people to dance with them, so I do! Last year I actually had a lot of fun dancing, the worst part is getting up from your chair and going into the circle, after that it's fine.

10/7/08

Well, I suppose this is the blog accompanying my latest video. I feel alright today. Yeah. I met this girl Becca in my fitness class who has lost about the same amount as I, and I am so glad we found each other, because I love talking to people who are interested in weight loss and fitness. She has been on a plateau for the past 3 months and is working to get off of it. I validated her and I said that it must be hard. I may be on a plateau one day so I have a lot of respect for people who are on them and don't give up. But yes, anyway, she wants to be a female body builder which I think is pretty hot. She'll get off of that plateau, I've seen how she works. The little engine that could

There's something else I wanted to write about because I've never really processed it. How did I go from where I was mentally at 272 to now? It was weird. How to put this into words.. For a long time everyone was on my case about my weight. The doctor would bombard me with pamphlets every time I went in for a non weight related visit. That fucking bitch I still hate her oligarchic guts.

My mom would hide food from me, and that hurt. Not because I was out of control but because I felt that if I wanted to lose weight I would do it when I was ready. I wasn't ready for a few years. During those few years some things happened that were signaling me and that I dismissed because I didn't want to start losing weight for other people's satisfaction. Pain in my ankles when walking. Sleeping late in the morning. headaches. Being rejected at a ride in the amusement park. breaking a chair. Barely being able to fit in the airplane seat. And having my best friend tell me I looked like the heart attack kind of fat.

I had adapted this attitude when I was at my heaviest, that I'm here, I'm big, and deal with me. When I was rejected from the park ride I was completely mortified, embarrassed, and also angry that they didn't make bigger seats. I've never been able to admit to myself that it was a defense mechanism, that instead of being broken hearted I was a self righteous uhm... person.. to a lot of people. And hey, sometimes it's really none of their business. I'm crazy, and sorry that I had to write this, I just need to know if anyone else can relate to me.

So now that I'm here and I'm realizing how immense it is to work through all the weight I had gained, I can't believe how far I had let things go. I didn't care about myself like I do now, and if you asked me at the time I would have told you that I loved myself. But loving myself entails keeping promises to myself, and doing things that will help me feel better, like exercising and getting that blood moving. Putting good food in my body. Making my bed every morning. Keeping a neat room. Doing schoolwork. I deserve to feel great, go on rides, not break chairs, run up stairs & jump in the air, get A's. If I didn't love myself how would I recognize someone else who loves & respects me?

yeah the picture has nothing to do with the blog, but they just remind me of myself for some reason. I am.. the coquí.. the coquínat.. Frog runs in my family. While we're at it, here's a coquí:

Ok so I can't input another photo. You'll just have to settle for this:

http://www.topuertorico.org/images/cOQUIb.Gif

yep.

In all seriousness, I'm posting a new video tonight of my body composition test, and there will probably be a blog accompanying it

today's weight is 220 so almost in the teens! You don't know how excited I am because I'm still feeling like I should be in the 230s and I really didn't imagine 1 year ago I would be here. It's also completely plausible that I would be in onederland by the new year.

Today's femaleness is like yesterday but with a cream colored v-neck sweater. Same earrings.

Happy Hump Day!

My Spanish speech yesterday went very well and I'll be surprised if I don't get an A. Mine was the best, not to sound snooty, but I was the only person so far who actually memorized the whole thing, if any. The questions were ones I had anticipated and I had made some sentences up just to answer them.

This morning, I'm feeling really good. I got dressed like a female all the way. It's kind of new for me. For a while now I've been thinking that it's time to put away the high school kid clothes. Over sized t shirts, & baggy jeans.. I want to be taken seriously and I want to dress like a professional woman. I got out some clothes from last year which were womanly, and although I was bigger they kind of still fit, which means I don't have to spend money on new clothes :D

so femaleness today is composed of:
-plucked eyebrows
-pearl & diamond earrings
-cream
-green form fitting shirt
-green bracelet
-shaved legs (under jeans, I hate showing my legs)

So have a Happy Hump Day!

ok

back on it. :D

maybe I freaked out a little over the weekend. but Sunday after my 3 day wanton eating I felt so.. blah. and today being a fresh new day I got back on top of things, and I am definitely not experiencing any blahs.

ohh and the first thing I did when I got up this morning @ 5 was drink a bottle of water, and I noticed that I was sweating a lot more on the treadmill, so from now on I'm going to do that

uhh... I had spanish tutoring for the first time today. The tutor is this crazy peruvian lady, but I like crazy spanish ladies. I'm going to be going back to practice more in the future.

for the funky backwards challenge, I've been doing Shanti's challenge mainly. I have been showering in the morning, minus this morning because I just wasn't ready for the weekend to be over. I didn't pack my bag for the shower in school. I've also been putting cream on my body, because it makes me feel SeXaYyyy!! Makeup, not so much. I do wear it, but I really feel my sexiest without it. You see, I like makeup, but I absolutely hate having to keep checking the mirror to make sure it's not messed up. <~ not sexy.

I intend to do the meditations that have been prescribed by the other ladies in the challenge, I just have to make time to do it.

tomorrow I have to give a 5 minute presentation in Spanish, and I am not as nervous as I should be. I have to memorize the speech I wrote out and give it, and be grilled with questions in spanish.

confession

Thursday-Saturday were horrendous. And I swear this happens whenever I get to a goal, that I say 'OK time to relax!' and that's just not how things work, and I KNOW IT which makes me a little more frustrated. You see, I didn't want to announce the halfway loss on youtube because I was standing at the top of the fence on my tippy toes, and I want to be able to make the video and be on the other side, by 3-5 lbs, and going full speed ahead.

this next week will be better. And I know it's laziness + circumstances that have contributed to these past few days, but I've just got to get back on it, I'm hoping that writing about it here helps.

3:30 AM and I need to go back to bed, I just can't sleep. This has me worried it really does

crossing the mark

This morning the scale read 221. This means I've lost 51 pounds total and am also at the halfway mark. I don't think I will be making a video about it this week because I want to have crossed these 2 lines and cross 220 as well.

so my last 3 weigh in's are as follows:

225
226
221

I am concerned that I am not eating enough because I lost 5 pounds in one week. 5 pounds! I'm eating a mostly no processed food diet, except for things like gum because I can't be bothered. I eat every 2 hours, no calorie counting

but now that I think about it this is the first time in a long time where I didn't dine out over the weekend, and I usually eat out 2 times per weekend. When I go to restaurants I eat, not too much, but I'm not choosing non processed or raw food. I may get something like salmon

ok gotta run bye

I have my computer packed away.. normally. People were messing with my crap as usual while I was gone and they openned it and turned it on. I keep it off because it is a huge distraction for me. I get sucked into it like none other! So I'm going to finish up this lesson, relax for a little bit and put it away again!! the school computers are faster and I can't exactly stay on those for too long so I prefer it.

ALMOST 50 LBS LOST. I'M DOING IT!! :D

Ok so the pound I gained last week came off along with another, so I am stoked!! I guess I just needed to be patient. hmm.. everything's going super well, I'm going to New York this weekend to a baby shower and it should be interesting. This person is having her second child and I haven't seen her or her son & husband in years. I am very much looking forward to it. My spanish is already improving, I'm learning a word here and there. I go to the spanish practice sessions outside of class and today I made a friend with this really interesting girl who had studied abroad in Guatemala which is the type of program I am looking to get into. I want to be immersed in the language.

One last thing- HOT TEA. It's so good, I found some licorice tea and it's so good just alone I have it at night and it's like a dessert :]

so I went into stickam last night and the night before, but lately I haven't really been feeling the room. There seems to be increasing negativity in there for some reason, especially last night. Others have said they felt the same.

I gained a pound this week. it'll come off. There are several reasons why it's up, two of which I can control. It's still a little annoying though, especially because that pushed me back into the 230's Still better than 270's.

Thanks Christi for always reading up on me!

Girl, I can't sleeeeeeeep!!

tomorrow morning I'm going to try to be at the gym at 6 AM!!! Oh and I got my computer to work again but the other two are still obliterated.

I'm in the library of the new school. I really like it here so far, the facilities seem newer than the ones at the other college. So far I've had Anatomy class and Sociocultural Anthropology, both with cool professors. So far keeping up with eating well and getting water in is working out. exercise, not so much. I really need to be exercising in the morning again because otherwise more and more things need to get done as the day goes on and I just run out of time to get in a real workout. I plan on going to Curves this afternoon for a super fast workout, granted there's no traffic on Rt 22. I need to get my situps in, and moooove my body a little more. I've been taking evening walks with my dog, which is really pleasant because it's very cool outside and smells wonderful. Where I live is very beautiful. I can let him off the leash because no one else is around, and he's so good, he walks with me :]

Oh yeah last night some really kooky shit went on in my house. All 3 of our home computers broke for different reasons. My brother's computer won't turn on, my parent's turns on but stays frozen in DOS mode, and mine the keyboard just stopped working. How strange! I cleaned out the keyboard with compressed air and depressed/released all keys which didn't work. I ended up attaching another keyboard to the computer which worked but then I couldn't log on the internet to check with my 21 day challenge teammates. I called Fran though to tell her about it, but in the end I was really tired from the whole day and not bent out of shape about the whole thing. I needed to sleep.

I have my next class, fitness in 45 minutes. I'm going to find out if the fitness room is open to all students and what the hours are, because perhaps I can come early in the morning and walk on the treadmills and whatever other torture contraptions they have.. The gym facility is BEAUTIFUL with all new machines aching to be broken in

meh

I really don't know what to write.

Diet wise things are going well, but I had a falling out with a couple of friends yesterday and I'm just a mess. I think I've just gotta get moving in order to shake off the feeling. I'm pretty good at picking myself up, dusting off, and resuming life.

I've got to take the car to the mechanic today to get some things adjusted before classes begin, so I think I'm going to hop in the shower and get ready..

meow

OK so I've been really sucked into the stickam.com chat. It's so much fun, I love everyone whom I've gotten to know a little better in there. There are really too many to mention and I don't want to feel awkward if I forget someone. The 21 day challenge is going wonderfully, we're all so motivated and enjoying ourselves.

Good day. Very good day. Getting back on track with the walks. 2.5 miles this morning, and it was so invigorating. in the afternoon I went to curves. I'm starting to get bored with the main machines, but now I've discovered the bands and the ball. Every time I go to curves I do sit ups on the ball, and I add one more. I'm on day 4 of that because I started on 3 sets of 8 (24) and today I did 27. And ya. I come home to find that my dad didn't feel like cooking because he brought home Chicken McFuckits. It was greasy. I had enough calories so why not?

Tomorrow, 1.25 miles, maybe more.

init2winit

I'm already discovering some great new tubers through participating in this challenge. My current weight is 233. Not much to say.. My dad got a full time position at the local community college so I will be taking classes there for free baby!! working on the bachelors degree for free never seemed so sweeet!

Two of my good friends Tim & Helen got married yesterday, it was a wonderful ceremony, and fun filled reception!!

I'm doing well with my weight loss. I get weighed on July 2nd, and I'm sure it will show some results.

I still need to be mindful of my appetite. Twice today I felt I ate a little more than I needed to, and a little bloated. Granted, those were my only two meals, but I would rather have had 3 smaller meals than two larger ones. I'm going to try again tomorrow, beginning with a nice breakfast after walking. hasta luego!

Today was so hot outside! Saw lots of wild animals. I'm trying to be mindful about my appetite, knowing when Im full, knowing when I've had enough of food. It can be tough, being mindful is the hardest part, I think.. remembering to take mental note of how my belly feels before and during the meal. Making it an event helps, setting a place at the table, putting on some music, making the glass of water look like a cocktail, these things all help.

Today I tried mackerels, although high in fat, it's the right kind of fat we ought to be eating so I grabbed them. I got them in water and they taste just like tuna. I'm also going to be getting sardines and salmon in the near future, both of which contain omega 3's.

I feel so accomplished and empowered! I am conquering hill after hill on my morning walks, and I feel I am growing stronger by the day. I am so happy!! Also, my family is going to be in on the diet and exercise because my dad now has high cholesterol he will be trying to bring down. I am dropping off his new prescription in a little while. I'm making quite a few interesting acquaintances on youtube, and I am glad I finally threw a video up there.

I hooked up with my old yoga instructor yesterday, apparently she is giving yoga classes in the park by my house on a donations basis. I was ecstatic with this news, I've been missing yoga in my life an am so happy to be doing it again now. The classes are going to run through August, weather permitting, so I am set for the summer!! WOOOO!!!!!

It's been several days since I've made it a point to drink more water. I noticing a lot of great things happening with my body. For example, I'm not experiencing as many headaches as I normally do, and I'm sure it's because I am now drinking plenty of water. I am also sweating more frequently and in greater amounts. I enjoy the feeling of sweating, and the cooling sensation it brings me.

I'm not eating 3 hours before going to sleep. It is somewhat difficult because I tend to get hungry at night, but once asleep I've been sleeping through the entire night, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go. I used to sleep way too much, about 10 to 12 hours a night, but now it's been a healthy seven a night, and I feel much less sluggish during the day. I'm trying to eat more in the mornings and I'm finding this somewhat difficult, because I am not so hungry after the morning workout. Nevertheless, after I'm finished working out I cook up either oatmeal or an egg white omelet with spinach, and have a fruit smoothie along with it.

overall, Feeling very energetic and happy.

Drink Water!

June Challenge

For this month of June I am undertaking a new exercise regime as well as a commitment to drinking more water. My exercise plan consists of 30 - 60 minute walks in the morning, depending on the route I take as well as an additional walk in the afternoon with my parents. The afternoon is at a relaxed pace and is less an exercise experience and more a pleasant laid back one. As of now I can comfortably speed walk the entire way in the morning and carry on a conversation. Up hills is a bit of a different tale, but it's getting easier. As more weight drops I will consider jogging, but only in the event that I hit a permanent plateau.

For my food intake I am following the food guide pyramid. My goal is to meet all of my nutritional needs, but to just stop short of meeting my energy needs. My meals are typically well balanced, low fat, and hearty. I'm taking a multivitamin and an additional cod liver oil capsule daily with breakfast. I'm feeling very good in general, not experiencing many headaches, and have good energy.

I'm going to lose 100 pounds, and I don't care how long it takes me. Slow and steady wins the race.

starting weight: 272
current weight: 256 (-16 lbs)

still have 84 lbs to go to reach a
target weight of: 172

I want to go rock climbing. I want to be able to run again.

Last Friday I went hiking, and it was a wonderful experience. I climbed boulders. I got to the top of the mountain despite trouble I met on the way.

and a good friggin morning to you too

My stomach hurts, and it must be all those vitamins my mom fed me this morning. "Take this, it's gooood for you!" Never again I tell you. As I recall, there was a regular multivitamin with caffeine in it, a cod-liver oil vitamin, a B-Complex supplement, which was washed down with a cup of coffee. Everytime I smell my own burp I want to vomit. Anyone else see the irony in this?