TGIF

I'll tell you, I am so entertained by running that the time I spend on the treadmill seems to fly by. I'm not finding this week difficult at all.. Even though I'm increasing my foot speed, I'm not stressing out my body. I keep my heart rate below 80% of my max. I love it.
I've changed my eating plan but I don't want to discuss it. It's top secret info. ;)

I feel so liberated from the scale. Happy, gorgeous and sexy! I'm just enjoying the gym and the people I talk to in there. I know it's been only one week, but I guarantee you I will be reluctant to weigh myself come next Saturday.

Most of the time when I'm in school I keep to myself, but today I ventured out to make conversation with people I don't normally talk to, like my neighbors in classes. It was.. entertaining? I spoke to 2 wackos, and lots of other people. The club I belong to is doing a mock of American Idol, and I was the door person. I saw so many people I know and people from last semester. I've got a lunch date for next week :D I'm just happy today!

My aunt is coming over this weekend, and I love seeing her. She is a Social Worker, so I always have questions about the field and regulations. We speak in spanish a lot. I noticed since i'm not in that Spanish class any longer that I'm losing my ability to make spontaneous conversation, and to express myself.. Well, not losing it, but I'm not as ready to just jump into conversing. This makes me exponentially sad, but my friend Giancarlo says he's going to talk to me in Spanish in the hallways. He's the club president, and a student from Peru.

but back to weight loss.. I just like not working for a numerical reward. I'm just enjoying how accomplished I feel working out, and the energy I get from it. At 9 AM everyone else is trying to wake up and I've already burned 700 calories or so. I'm ready to take the world on.

The Bookends

Alright, not really weight loss related. Life related. In my Life Span development class I sit in between these two guys. The one on the right is dopey and tries to use complex vocabulary to make himself sound smart, but usually gets lost halfway between explaining his idea and just trails off. The one on the left? just whoa. WHOA. what? He talks extremely fast and raises his hand all the time to say the most asanine shit. Needless to say they are an endless source of entertainment, and don't seem to be phased by anything. And before class they want to CHAT with me about the lectures or just random shit depending on whether its the left or the right. I read the paper before class. You would think that to be a signal that I'm not available to chat, but no. The other day we were talking about what 'overweight' means and so lefty raises his hand.. I'm sitting there wondering what stroke of genius he's going to bestow on us. He says "If you can pinch an inch, you are overweight." To which our thin blonde professor responds "From where? Because in my ass I can pinch a lot of inches" I just died laughing. Then the one on the right goes "what are your sources?" Lefty says "That information cannot be disclosed at this time." and then random old guy in the back says "A Kellog's Special K commercial"

... yeah probably not as funny to read as it was to be there. I <3 college.

Anyway.. I'm loving the no weigh in this week. Though I'm surprised how many times I've already had to remind myself that there will be no weigh in. Makes me think about how much I think of the scale. Also, I noticed lately in the gym that I'm looking nice and curvy. I used to laugh to myself at the guys who are there to lift weights but constantly check themselves out in the mirror after doing like.. 2 reps. But.. I like checking me out in the mirror too!! I'm pretty sure I'm turning heads. I can see it in my peripheral vision. I like it :) Just as long as they don't try to talk to me I'm good. And not in a conceited way, just that it's akward and I really don't know what to say.

Also. Hot guy in the gym. Nice smile. A little older than the rest of the students, always says hello to me. Nice looking mantoy. Me likey. More reason to get there at 6 am.

There's this kid Brandon in one of the clubs I joined who says he's going to be in the gym tomorrow morning. I better see him! It would be nice to have a workout partner.

Pre weigh in thoughts

Since Friday I don't think I stepped on the scale. Or maybe I did on Saturday.. but the rest of the days I have resisted. It's not good for my head. I should feel happy and proud for working out so hard and eating good food without a reward of a drop in the scale. I never want to be as heavy as I used to be. The scale may fluctuate, but I am too active now to ever be 272 lbs again. I will never be that tired. I won't get light headed after climbing 5 steps. The little victories.. they mean more. I have to keep them in the front of my mind.

It's insanely warm today.. 60 something degrees! Everyone on campus is in t-shirts and thrilled. The temperature will drop back starting tomorrow, but for now it's a gorgeous sunny day accompanied by warmth. How could one not be uplifted by that?

The rest I will talk about in my next video. I have no clue what the scale will say tomorrow. I didn't do weight training this week. I'm just so pressed for time it seems, and I still need to complete one last session of c25k to be done with week 2. I think I will do it this afternoon just so I can start on week 3 tomorrow. Scary!

I stepped on it this morning and it said 207.8.......... come on! That's almost 2 lbs heavier than yesterday? worked out like a fiend yesterday, and the past week. I'm really trying to remain positive and give myself the logical self talk, but I'm feeling like I knew the path and could clearly see it in front of me and now I'm in this fog. I feel disoriented. Zurple said to throw my scale away. I wish I could. I'm afraid that without it I will blow up. I'm focusing wayyyyy to much on weight loss right now. I'm obsessed - there you go. What I really want is fat loss, but I can't have body composition tests done everyday! I'm going mad! I don't know exactly what these little fluctuations mean, it's driving me insane. From the outside I would know what to say to someone else in this spot. That weight isn't what matters. Fat loss is. I'm doing what I need to be doing, why am I going in the "wrong direction"? What's with this emotional attachment to the number? this isn't who I was in the beginning. I feel dull, and caught up in my self. And lots of other emotions. And I'm going out for chinese tonight with my family. Tomorrow, the scale would tell me I weigh even more, but I know I don't need that right now. up and down and arouuuund we go. I just re read that. I'm craaazy. needed an outlet. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: that's not even readable is it?

I am exhausted

This has been the first week of couch to 5k. On top of that, I was lifting heavy weights and sometimes getting in an extra afternoon cardio workout in. I worked out 5 days this past week. I ate well. Then why do I gain 2 pounds? As of Tuesday when I had a body composition analysis done, I had lost a pound. Two days later on official weigh in day my weigh has jumped up 3 lbs. If I had eaten a whole pizza I'd know exactly where I went wrong, but instead I have no clue what happened. I'm reeeeeally tired of my weight bouncing around. Am I not supposed to be below 200 lbs? I know its probably muscle or water. It's about weighing less than 200 lbs. It's the magic number, that's why I feel disheartenned. I'm not about to stop lifting weights though. I learned my lesson last semester related to that.

week 2 of couch to 5k begins tomorrow, Friday. I need running shoes because after each session I have pain in my knees. I also want a pair of gloves for lifting weights, sometimes I have pain in my wrists after I am done. More on the weights, I keep seeing the weight increasing, which is awesome. I'm no longer lifting 10 lbs on anything like I was when I started.

I just went downstairs and my dad says that my pants are looking really loose. Makes me feel good after a gain. I know there are changes going on.

I may post a video. We'll see.