Old memories

I was in the basement digging out old clothes today, trying to find some clothes from last spring that are still wearable, and I found a lot of clothes I forgot I had. Gothic/art clothes that I hadn't worn since high school, or since I began college. In my senior year I was wearing a grunge/ragdoll style. Safety pinned, torn, striped stockings, black boots. I don't think I would go out in public in those clothes again, but I still like looking at them and remember the feeling of wearing them. All of the stuff I used to do, and the good times. It was a happy place in my life in terms of the friendships I had, and I noticed since then that I feel so very disconnected with the rest of the world. I mean I have friends, but not like the ones I had in high school. We had a really strong bond and great chemistry. We've all gone our separate ways and things turned sour. The dynamics changed after I began going to college, and we all moved in different directions. None of them went to college, and this caused some strain between us. I couldn't hang out everyday like we used to. I slowly lost my dark sense of humor and feelings of misanthropy, and blossomed into someone else.

I saw one of them about a year ago at a concert and it was really weird. She had been using coccaine and you could tell how it affected her in the way she talked. It was sad and strange.

The others, one of them works full time in a hardware store. And my old best friend is convinced that he's going to spend the rest of his life in a convenience store, and is fascinated with organized crime.

My best girl friend has drifted off and I don't know what has become of her. People used to think we were gay because we were always embracing. We were just close. She was kicked out of her home when she turned 18 and has been going from job to job since. I saw yesterday that she had tried to call my cell phone so I called her back and got the machine.

I don't regret having let them go because I believe in keeping positive people in your life, but I also don't like feeling out of touch. I think thats why I immerse myself into school and school activities.

But anyway, thats just what I had floating in my mind.