Thursday & anticipation!

This week at school is African week, and everyday is a different event related to Africa. I can't tell you how much more enriched I feel through this event... yesterday I finally had an understanding for Darfur. I cried. The whole room felt the pain of the Sudanese. The day before I saw how decolonialization was affecting Africa, and why their economy is so poor and dependent on other countries. Today, we are having some dancers from Congo, and I am soo excited for that. My friend Ongala is going to sit with me and tell me about his dance experience. He used to be a traditional dancer in Kenya, and he's one of my closer friends right now in college.

Also, yesterday I was giving blood to the blood bank and the strangest thing happened. I was at about a pint of blood when everything started to go black. I was dizzy, lightheaded, weak, couldn't think.. Then out of nowhere 6 nurses crowded around me and threw ice on me. They made my chair horizontal, and had my head be lower than the rest of my body. I wasn't allowed to leave for some time after that until my blood pressure returned to normal. That's the second time I almost passed out. It's kind of frightening because I didn't know what was going on.

hmm.. my date with Amir is today. excited? a bit. It's also Nabil's birthday, so I have to get him a present! Oh something at Barnes & Noble. He's very religious and I'm not sure what to get him. Maybe a nice journal

I was supposed to weigh myself today but I completely forgot! I was at the computer when I remembered with a mango shake in my hand.. aww crap. tomorrow!

Oh.. also my brother is going to Otakon this year I think it's in July? I saw a wig in his room. Oh god. I can't wait to see the pictures :)

88 degrees

yup. That's how hot it was today. PA is not known for jumping right into summer heat, but it was kind of nice to wear just a thin short sleeve shirt. The dog and I went to the park. He swam in the river and I just walked around.

part 1 of giantic research paper down, 3 parts to go >.>

Yesterday I went to New Jersey with the honors society in my school, and we cleaned up a beach. We collected around 15 lbs worth of bottle caps, straws, plastics etc. Some of our most notable finds were a used condom and a syringe. It was cool to spend an entire day with some of the other members and have interesting conversations in the car. I'd do it again.

tomorrow I send out my application for the visa to visit Russia. Another $190 right there, and then I still have to buy the plane ticket. I'm going to learn about the itinerary for the trip and more cultural things.

weigh in and spring walks

This week has been pretty decent compared to other weeks. I went to the gym 3 days, not counting today and have been better about water. I'm not counting calories, it just doesn't feel like what I want to do right now. Counting calories had begun to stress me out again

This morning I was 198.4 which is down 1.6 from last week.

Outside is GORGEOUS!! Holy mole, I am just loving the afternoon walk. It's so good for my soul to breathe in the fresh air and admire everything in bloom.

Tuesday

I am kind of tired of schoolwork. I know some of you can feel me on this! I want to go to Russia now! :( I think it's the weather. I don't like rainy days like I used to, now I'm all about the sunshine. Today is rainy and gloomy just like yesterday.

I'm trying to memorize some basic Russian words and phrases. It's completely different than english and I have a hard time making some of the sounds, even slowly. Youtube is great for that because there are free tutorial videos on there


Здравствуйте
(Zdrastvooyte)
Hello

Доброе утро
(DObraye Utra)
Good morning


Добрый день
(DObriy DYEN)
Good afternoon

Спасибо
(SpaSEEba)
Thank you

Как Вас зовут?
(KAK vas zaVOOT?)
What is your name?

Меня зовут...
(meenya zaVOOT)
My name is...

Also, sorry for not logging in to youtube, I'm enjoying feeling disconnected from all of it right now. I'm going to let it go for a little while

Staying accountable

So, I decided that since I'm still not back to going to the gym :$ and have been eating whatever (not excessively) I would weigh myself today to get a reality check. I looked at pictures of myself from last weekend and I was positive I had gained weight. I step on the scale this morning and it says 200.0

Not exactly the kick in the arse I was expecting, but I'll take it.

Life's been so good otherwise. I love school. Today I have a bake sale, so I'm still at home baking. My house smells so yummy :) After that, there's an info session on the trip to Russia. Lauren and I are ecstatic that we're going together. I don't know.. it's like, we can just be real and sarcastic around each other. I love it.
Next semester I'm going to run for Vice President of the Social Work club, because to be honest I'm more of an active member than some of the club officers right now, and I think I can work well with groups as well, and Iwant to practice my leadership skills.

The presentation went well. I was put on the spot quite a bit with questions, but I survived.

Also, I have a crush on someone. He's very handsome and smart, I think he's interested in me too, but I'm hoping it dissolves soon so that I can stop thinking about him already.

How I got my name, and why Moscow is calling me

I don't believe I ever shared this before, but I was named after this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_c_d7IzlKE

This trip was meant to be!

How I spell summer

M-O-S-C-O-W. That's right baby, I'm going to Russia and possibly El Salvador. I am so freaking excited!

Lauren and I are going to Moscow together along with some other students for about a week. We're going to drink vodka and dance the crab dance!!! See the Czar's palace

Group 5

I've had the best week ever. I mean.. I didn't exercise all that much, and didn't pay attention to my diet, but.. I'm just so happy. You see, I'm in this group for my American National government class. In the beginning, we didn't get along very well. In fact, I had a heated argument with one of my team members a few weeks ago. But everything just flipped totally around after that, and.. I love them. Honestly, yes! I do! We've worked and worked on this project all weekend, and I just developed these beautiful friendships with all of them. I just hope I don't lose them after we present tomorrow. If we drift apart, that's ok and it was meant to happen. But... I'm really going to miss working with these guys

This is Nabil and I. He is very sweet and smart, one of two Egyptian Cristians I have met. He is an international student, his first language is Arabic, and he showed me how to write my name. Today, he gave me a beautiful painting on papyrus. Maybe one day I will be able to travel to Egypt and he can be my tour guide.

Muhammad is from Pakistan. We always joke that he is the pimp of the group. He's calm, and silly - just a nice guy to talk to and be around. And Lauren, oh we certainly got off on the wrong foot. But since then.. we've just clicked. I know she understands certain parts of me that I can't put into words and vice versa. This summer, we want to travel to Moscow together with the school. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the funds will be available, because I know it would be the trip of a lifetime!!!

We present tomorrow. We've practiced and practiced. I am excited and nervous.

<3

4/9/09

Good morning!

It was hard not to weigh this morning, but I didn't. I'm still working on getting out the door at the moment and getting to school. I will most likely be there all day today, then come home tonight and crash.

Next Monday I'm giving a presentation on Social Work and the economy. The audience is 75% international students, some of whom come from countries where women are inferior to men, so some of the things I will talk about may not even be seen as issues in those countries. I am nervous, but excited because I've done a lot of research on domestic violence and child abuse this semester.

Battle with my Impulses

Basically, I suck. I'm having a very hard time gaining control again, and I hate to admit that. The past few days have been an improvement from the weekend, but I'm still not quite there.

You see, on the weekend I was eating whatever whenever. It's just a really tough thing to get over and get back to what I've been doing. I'm cranky, depressed, moody, and overall just not a pleasure to deal with at the moment. I'm not taking things in stride, and I can't wait to get over it.

-I jogged for 10 minutes yesterday, and today didn't exercise at all

-Not really drinking water

-Eating too many calories

-Freaking out

Ok, so I'm having "self control issues", If someone hands me a slice of pizza, I'm going to eat it without thinking. This was my undoing several years ago. I don't want it to happen again. I'm not getting to the gym at my normal times, and this began last week. I was late repeatedly and coach Smith kept mentioning it to me. I don't have that fire at the moment and it's driving me nuts.

Something I've noticed is that I eat way too many calories for breakfast. By the time it's 10 AM I've had 1,000 calories which I think is far too many. Then, later on in the day I don't have any left and just eat. They need to be more spread out, and as much as I hate carrying food to school, I want to begin doing that again.

...help... :*(

4/6/09

Life was crap last week, and I'm so glad it's over temporarily. Non weight loss stuff I don't feel like talking about. I've had a week and a half of no dieting. Exercise, yes. That hasn't been a problem. I just felt horrible. I went to a party and all the pictures of me look awful. I stepped on the scale on Thursday and I was up 4 lbs. It just kind of makes me feel like 'why do I bother?' I was numbed out on the weekend. I stayed at my friend's house and we ate chinese all weekend. I'm talking we stocked the fridge with boxes and boxes of takeout and just went through it. She is a glutton too, probably more than I, but it never fails to bring out the glutton in me who can eat more food in one sitting than a 6'5" basketball player. Sunday sucked. I was so depressed, had a stomach ache from all the greasy food, low on energy, emotional.

Today, I've started out right. I knew Friday that the weekend would be tough, so I just let it go and I knew that I would start again fresh today.

So, this is where I am. My mom got me some juices because I explained to her that I ate too much greasy stuff and it's just screwing with my digestion. I'm taking it easy.

I'm staying away from the scale for a while, I definitely need to take a break again. The next time I weigh will be in May for my body fat test.

Also, If you follow my youtube channel, I want to take a break from youtube too. It's a combination of me not wanting to talk to a camera right now or be seen, and all the drama/negativity/making problems out of nothing that I see in people's videos. It's annoying me, which I think is a sign that I am logging in too often.

I will still watch Ariana's weekly videos, and those of you who follow my blog, but I'm going to make an attempt to stop logging in daily.

Oh also.. lol..
Someone was using my camera last week to flip through the photos we had just taken, and started playing a video of me talking to the camera. How embarrassing! Seriously you don't want that happening to you! How do you explain that? I was just like NOOO KILL IT!! and then I died a little inside