Pre weigh in thoughts

Since Friday I don't think I stepped on the scale. Or maybe I did on Saturday.. but the rest of the days I have resisted. It's not good for my head. I should feel happy and proud for working out so hard and eating good food without a reward of a drop in the scale. I never want to be as heavy as I used to be. The scale may fluctuate, but I am too active now to ever be 272 lbs again. I will never be that tired. I won't get light headed after climbing 5 steps. The little victories.. they mean more. I have to keep them in the front of my mind.

It's insanely warm today.. 60 something degrees! Everyone on campus is in t-shirts and thrilled. The temperature will drop back starting tomorrow, but for now it's a gorgeous sunny day accompanied by warmth. How could one not be uplifted by that?

The rest I will talk about in my next video. I have no clue what the scale will say tomorrow. I didn't do weight training this week. I'm just so pressed for time it seems, and I still need to complete one last session of c25k to be done with week 2. I think I will do it this afternoon just so I can start on week 3 tomorrow. Scary!

I stepped on it this morning and it said 207.8.......... come on! That's almost 2 lbs heavier than yesterday? worked out like a fiend yesterday, and the past week. I'm really trying to remain positive and give myself the logical self talk, but I'm feeling like I knew the path and could clearly see it in front of me and now I'm in this fog. I feel disoriented. Zurple said to throw my scale away. I wish I could. I'm afraid that without it I will blow up. I'm focusing wayyyyy to much on weight loss right now. I'm obsessed - there you go. What I really want is fat loss, but I can't have body composition tests done everyday! I'm going mad! I don't know exactly what these little fluctuations mean, it's driving me insane. From the outside I would know what to say to someone else in this spot. That weight isn't what matters. Fat loss is. I'm doing what I need to be doing, why am I going in the "wrong direction"? What's with this emotional attachment to the number? this isn't who I was in the beginning. I feel dull, and caught up in my self. And lots of other emotions. And I'm going out for chinese tonight with my family. Tomorrow, the scale would tell me I weigh even more, but I know I don't need that right now. up and down and arouuuund we go. I just re read that. I'm craaazy. needed an outlet. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: that's not even readable is it?

I am exhausted

This has been the first week of couch to 5k. On top of that, I was lifting heavy weights and sometimes getting in an extra afternoon cardio workout in. I worked out 5 days this past week. I ate well. Then why do I gain 2 pounds? As of Tuesday when I had a body composition analysis done, I had lost a pound. Two days later on official weigh in day my weigh has jumped up 3 lbs. If I had eaten a whole pizza I'd know exactly where I went wrong, but instead I have no clue what happened. I'm reeeeeally tired of my weight bouncing around. Am I not supposed to be below 200 lbs? I know its probably muscle or water. It's about weighing less than 200 lbs. It's the magic number, that's why I feel disheartenned. I'm not about to stop lifting weights though. I learned my lesson last semester related to that.

week 2 of couch to 5k begins tomorrow, Friday. I need running shoes because after each session I have pain in my knees. I also want a pair of gloves for lifting weights, sometimes I have pain in my wrists after I am done. More on the weights, I keep seeing the weight increasing, which is awesome. I'm no longer lifting 10 lbs on anything like I was when I started.

I just went downstairs and my dad says that my pants are looking really loose. Makes me feel good after a gain. I know there are changes going on.

I may post a video. We'll see.

I will not weigh myself everyday. I will stop weighing myself everyday. I will weigh once a week. I will be less than 200 lbs soon. No more head games. I'll get there. Patience. Peace.

It's so good to be back in school :)

I haven't been in a gym since December and today was my first day back. Over the break I bought a new pair of much needed workout pants, because my other ones were just really big and getting worn out. It's the little things like a new pair of nice looking pants from an actual fitness/ sports outlet (I can fit in those clothes now!) that keep me happy and motivated.

During the break I gained 4 lbs and then lost them, so that's a maintain which is really good, however, today I realized I have fallen back in another aspect. I had made cardiovascular fitness gains before and have pretty much lost them or at least it seems so.

I always worked out at 80%/ High Intensity

Before break: My speed was 3.5 and the Incline was 11.0

Today: My speed was 3.0 and the Incline was 4.0

So at both of these, my heart rate is the same. I hope I'm making sense.

This semester I am actually going to start a Small circuit on the weigh machines, seeing as I had lost half fat and half fat free mass in 3 months last time. This semester I want to gain muscle and lose fat, hopefully keeping my fat free mass where it is currently.

I'm adding all sorts of little things to keep me motivated - another chart, different recipes, more music to the ipod (I really love fast paced music and pop songs for working out)

Ok, so as it looks right now, I am going to work out 5x a week (M-F), 30 minutes of cardio each day, and 3x a week weight training (M-W-F). The little guide I got for it says to leave 48 hours in between each session but no more than 96. It also says not to lift weights until the muscles are warm so I will do the cardio first and then get on the machines.

Today I'm going to meet another youtuber. We've been meaning to meet for some time now but with school and her work schedule it just wasn't happening. Her YT ID is wtharetheydoing; Fran. She has been a support to me since I began youtube and I am thrilled to meet her! We're going to a place near Philadelphia, and it's my first time driving out there. I am nervous about it, but I also have the GPS with me, so I can't get lost :D

I think because we chatted in stickam a lot and over the phone I am not nervous about meeting her at all.

Also, bra shopping! Yay! I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be the same size today that I was in the summer. I don't have enough bras and that is becoming a problem.

Weigh in 1/15/09

School starts Tuesday, and it's a mix of yay/ugh for me. Yay for the gym, for learning, and for feeling like I have more of a purpose. Ugh for the stress

I'm sick and I don't feel like making a video right now. Today is weigh in day. In the city, I ate lots of great food. I had.. Thai, Indian, Chinese, Mexican, Colombian, and I don't remember what else. I didn't stuff myself other than once, I walked a lot and didn't drink much more than 4 glasses of water a day, usually in the wee hours. I hate public restrooms and this is why. I expected a gain but instead woke up to a loss of 1 lb. Very cool.

I'm ready for school, and for killing it at the gym again.

My weight as of this morning is 206.6 lbs

bai